There is no way of avoiding the big question everyone asks when you say you work in the funeral industry. No matter what your role is in this line of work, everyone wants to know, why? Why would anyone work in an environment where death is all around you? Isn’t it sad? Isn’t it scary? How could you be around death all day and still live a normal life? Well for me, that question has always been something I have tried to avoid answering. I have a million reasons why, but deep down, my reason was that I was scared to death. I was scared to death of death itself. The idea that someone you know as a constant entity in your life, can just be gone was so scary to me. Death was always this final phase that just happened, but I was always thinking about the “after”. You’re expected to just learn to adapt to life without your loved one? There isn’t a guidebook on how to properly grieve. “How are people supposed to get through this?”, I thought. It’s so much for life to expect out of you.
We spend our lives building and developing friendships, attachments, bonds and relationships with others. Our lives are so dependent on these people, whether they are friends, family members, or just acquaintances. People whom we know, as the truest fact of all, will one day have their time on this earth come to an end. How do we go through the motions when we know where the motions will inevitably lead? That is where I have had a tough time. How do I ignore the unignorable? Death is like the silent elephant in the room. It’s always like the unwanted guest that can just show up, totally unannounced and change absolutely everything in your world. There had to be a way I could not only come to terms with death, but to help teach myself how to understand it, how to grieve & how to do whatever I can to help others get through the “after”. That’s when I realized, maybe I can help.
I oftentimes found myself at the wakes or funerals of my family members, and I would take on the role of comforting those around me. It’s like a light went off in my head and I figured out I could handle it. I could get through my grief, by helping those around me grieve as well. I remember experiencing the loss of my cousin at a very young age, and even as young as I was at the time, I knew I had to step up and help comfort my family. I would always seek out the funeral workers and ask questions. I asked questions that everyone else was thinking but just too scared to ask. I just wanted to understand. That was only one thing I could try that could possibly ease my fears and help me grieve. I had to get close to it. I had to get close enough to death to help myself, and to be able to provide help for those around me. I had to learn about it, study it, and surround myself in it. And thus, the journey began.
Just for a little background, growing up, I have been so blessed to have my mother instill her values in me. She always taught me how important it is to treat people right. Value those around you. Give them your time, your heart and your mind. Always show people empathy because you can truly never know what is going on in another person's life, or even in their head. My mother taught me that a smile or an act of kindness to a stranger could change their whole day. I try to live my life just as she taught me every single day. As I got older, and started to experience more loss, my mother also taught me, “Never be scared of the dead for they cannot hurt you.”, she would say. That’s when it dawned on me. If I know the dead cannot hurt me, and I know their loved ones that are mourning need help, maybe that’s where I fit in.
In this industry, I have found so many other people just like myself. People who from the very bottoms of their hearts, would give anything just to help the families of the people who have left this earth. I felt like a weight was lifted off my chest. There really are people who genuinely care. A lot of people help simply for the reason being, that they can. We can help, so we do. Much like life, this line of work can be very unpredictable. Being a part of the funeral industry, I have learned that you have to always be ready for anything. You have to be ready to help in ways that most people could never understand. You have to go into this line of work knowing that a lot of people will never know the lengths we go to, but that’s okay! That’s why I do it. I do it so that I can make the worst day of someones life, a little less hard. I do it so that I could provide as much comfort and relief to families as possible. Being able to provide the help that I know I needed while grieving in my life, is truly a feeling most people will never understand. Yes, I get sad, yes, it is so hard, but I can honestly say from the bottom of my soul; this is the most challenging yet most rewarding feeling I can describe. Instead of thinking of death as this final, inevitable thing, learn to think of the people still left behind. They are the reason for it all. They need us, so we are here.
Unfortunately, death is not going anywhere, so we aren’t either. We will ALWAYS be here to help; we will always be here to provide comfort and relief in your time of need. I know for me; I will always be here to help people like me who could not comprehend how to navigate the “after”. I will always do everything I can to make the worst day of someones life, a little less horrible. My journey into this world is just beginning, but I promise to never stop learning, never stop asking questions, and never stop doing what I love. I hope you never need me, but if you do, just know that I am here, and I am ready to help.
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